Overcoming Guilt: You’re Doing Better Than You Think

If you’re the parent of an autistic child, you probably know what it’s like to carry guilt around like a shadow. Maybe you lie awake wondering if you’re doing enough. Maybe you feel bad for grabbing 10 minutes to yourself. Or maybe you just can’t shake the feeling that you’re somehow falling short even though you're doing your absolute best.

You’re not alone. Guilt seems to come with the parenting territory and even more so when you're raising a child who has additional needs. But here’s something you might need to hear today: you are doing better than you think. Your love, your effort, and your constant showing up it all matters more than you realise.

The Guilt We Carry

That heavy, nagging guilt shows up in so many ways. You might recognise some of these:

• “I’m not doing enough.” Whether it’s therapies, appointments, school support, or just being “on” all the time — it’s easy to feel like you're falling behind.

• “I shouldn’t need a break.” That guilt for going to the gym, meeting a friend, or even just having a quiet coffee alone? It can feel so loud — even though looking after yourself is absolutely essential.

• “Did I make the right choice?” From choosing schools to trying different strategies to handle meltdowns, the second-guessing never seems to stop.

• “Everyone’s watching me.” Society can be quick to judge parents of autistic children and that pressure to do everything perfectly can feel overwhelming.
  

But here’s the truth: those guilty thoughts don’t reflect reality. They’re just that thoughts. Not facts.

Why That Guilt Isn’t Telling the Full Story

A lot of guilt comes from putting impossible standards on ourselves. Social media doesn’t help. Comparing your life to the highlight reel of others can make you feel like you’re not enough but you are.

Let’s break it down:

• Your child’s journey is their own – Autism is a spectrum, and every child develops in their own time, in their own way. Their progress isn’t a report card on your parenting.

• Every decision comes from love – You’re doing what you think is best, with the information and energy you have. That’s all any parent can do.

• Looking after yourself is part of caring for them – You can’t pour from an empty cup. When you take time for yourself, you’re not being selfish you’re making sure you can keep being there for your child, day after day.
  

How to Gently Reframe the Guilt

Shifting the guilt doesn’t mean ignoring it it means questioning it, and showing yourself the same kindness you’d show a friend. Here’s how:

• Remind yourself: you're doing your best – And that is enough. There’s no such thing as the perfect parent just parents who love their kids and keep going, even when it’s tough.

• Celebrate the small wins – A good day, a moment of connection, a meltdown avoided, a new word or smile. These are the victories that matter.

• Mistakes are part of the job – We all mess up. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human. Learn, adjust, and keep going.

• Find your people – Whether it's online groups, other SEND parents at school, or a friend who truly gets it, talking it out can lift a huge weight off your shoulders.

• Speak to a professional if it’s too much – There’s no shame in needing support. A counsellor or therapist can help you find ways to cope and feel more in control.
  

A Few Reminders for the Hard Days

Say these to yourself when the guilt gets loud:

• “I’m doing my best, and that’s more than enough.”

• “My child knows they are loved, that’s what matters most.”

• “Taking care of me helps me take better care of them.”

• “It’s okay to get things wrong, I’m learning too.”

Say them out loud if you can. Write them on post it notes. Save them in your phone. Let them slowly replace the guilt with grace.

Let Go of the Perfection Trap

Perfection is a myth and chasing it will only leave you drained. Some days will be messy. Some decisions won’t pan out. Some mornings you’ll feel like you can’t do another day of it. But you will. And that’s what makes you a brilliant parent not being perfect, but being there.

What to Take Away

• That guilty voice in your head isn’t always telling the truth.

• You are trying. You are caring. You are loving. And that’s what matters.

• Celebrate the small things and allow space for the tough ones.

• Connect with others and know you’re not alone.

• Be kind to yourself. You’re raising an incredible child and you’re doing it with strength and love.

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You’re doing a great job even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Every day you keep showing up, learning, loving, and doing your best for your child. That’s more than enough.

And if no one’s told you this today: you are enough, just as you are.